Pictures are here.

The lab is powered down.

The out of office message has been enabled on my email and voice mail.

My desk has been cleaned off, most of the open items closed, and basicly, from a work perspective, 2004 is a wrap.

Yes again, my coworkers and I get the boon of the year end shut down. From Chritsmass Eve’s day through New Years day, my company is closed. Personally, I wont be returning until the forth.

So, if my posting and cmmenting seems to be diminished, its not because of work related stress. In fact, its the exact opposite.

Hast la vista, baby.

http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2002/20sep_mysteryobject.htm?friend

Your soul is bound to the Fourth Totem, Solomon:
The Owl.

Solomon appears as an azure feathered owl.  He
embodies wisdom, judgement, reason, and
stability.  He is associated with the color
azure, the season of autumn, and the element of
water.  His downfall is farsightedness.

You are most compatible with Ravens and Monkeys.

Which Animal Spirit Totem Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

“Marketing is where dreams go to be pummeled.” – Nonsequitor for 22 December 2004

Though that was amusing.

“Are you a Democrat? Republican? Doesn’t matter. The line is no longer liberal/conservative. It is no longer tax ‘n’ spend versus cut ‘n’ deficit, Toyota Prius versus Ford Expedition, happy godless heathen sodomite versus Mel Gibson.” – Mark Morford, SF Gate 10 November 2004

Regardless of the politics, I thought the way he said it was very amusing.

“I hadn’t realized that idiots might be exempted from constitutional protection – indeed, you’d think we need it worse – but about 20% of my correspondents seem to think otherwise.” – John Perry Barlow, The Windmill Takes the First One… 21 December 2004

Another amusing statement. For those that are curious, Barlow is challenging the TSA searches for things other then those which are a threat to airtraffic safety as being outside the scope of the Forth Amendment. His report of his arrest can be found here.

For those who are unaware, John Perry Barlow is a writer for the Grateful Dead and a founder of the Electronic Frontier Foundation.

According to a new FCC estimate obtained by Mediaweek, nearly all indecency complaints in 2003—99.8 percent—were filed by the Parents Television Council, an activist group. – MediaWeek.com, Activists Dominate Content Complaints 6 December 2004

The PTC denies having anything to do with the 38 indecency complaints against NBC for its coverage of the Olympics, and I believe them. For those that did complain, I am left thinking that some people just should not own televisions.

Anyway, I booked my flight to Israel. I leave the afternoon of February 12, so little if any Ymir for me. Ho hum. Got to scramble and re-arrange some plans.

I am goin to have about 6 hours to wander the streets of Paris. That should be fun.

So I got an invitation forwarded to me for a party on Friday night. One of the comments on it said:

Everyone invited is in their twenties. Lets all pretend we believe that.

This got me thinking: I’m 37 years old [I'll be 38 next June] – I doubt I could pass for twenty something – physically or psychologically. Hell, I’m pushing forty.’

Now to put things into perspective, in general birthdays dont bother me. I tend to think they are better then the alternative. And, for some reason, I still think of myself as a kid in other’s eyes.

And I know some people stress their thirtieth birthday. I didnt. I joked that my 36th was going to be hard as it was half of an adult male’s lifetime, but it really didnt bother me.

But suddenly, I feel myself taking stock. And, to make the introspection just a tad deeper, my brother invited me to celebrate my oldest nephew’s thirteenth birthday.

I cant say that this is not where I pictured myself at 38 because, to be honest, I never really pictured myself anywhere. The question ‘where do you see ourself in five years’ is always a hard one because, to be honest,l the only thing I see five years down the road is me being older.

Dont get me wrong. Its not that I dont have goals. I do. But not tangible things. For example, to say that becoming a Pelican was not a goal would be a lie. But it was kind of a secondary goal. What I saw was that there was a short list of people who were called upon in that ‘we need an autocrat’ sort of way. You know – people like Byram and Ceridwen. I wanted to be on that list. And I would like to think that I am – or at least was. (Not sure, with my level of crispiness that I’m on anyone’s short list for much of anything right now.)

But something tangible like I want to be managing a department or project lead a global project of x million pounds. No, not really. Guess i just kind of drift.

Really, when I think about it, I would like to not have to work, to be able to travel, to be debt free, and weigh about 60 pounds less. And have a good man to do these things with and with who there was mutual love and respect and attraction. Intangibles.

For now though, i look at my situation and wonder – where am I and how did I get here? (Not meant as an homage to David Byrne, but it works that way, doesnt it…)

I look around me and see my to do list immensely long, my house a wreck, my diet even worse, my motivation completely lacking, etc. I know all of this makes me unhappy and depressed but I cant seem to get myself out of the death spiral – at least not for more then a few hours.

And I look at where I am failing. I still havent completed the Crusades event report (the autocrat report not the financials – bless Benefse, she is a goddess). I have a ton of award recommendation to write. I have a ton of work stuff I am behind on. And yet I am much more motivated to look at certain web sites, to watch some movies, to spend money on instant gratification. (No, not that kind – get your mind out of the gutter. I mean an expensive meal or a book or a DVD or something that doesnt last and once its gone doesnt make you feel much better then before you got it.)

I really need to pull myself out of this rut.

Its kind of strange to put all his down. Especially in such a public forum.

However, in a way its kind of cathartic.

Your World (Part One): What is your world made of? [boys]
brought to you by Quizilla

And, if you actually bought all the gifts, from the partridge in a pear tree to the services of the 12 drummers, it would cost you about $17,200, according to PNC Advisors, which annually tabulates the cost of all of the items in the famous carol.

So at Unevent, I went for Chinese Food with some people. My fortune cookie said “You are soon to change career paths.”

On Monday I walked into my director’s office and asked him if the fortune cookie knew something I didnt. He responded that he was not aware of anythinbg but that there might be an opening for Father Christmass.

Later in the week, my manager came over to my cube and said in a very harsh way “I need to talk to you. Now.” and wandered into a conference room. I followed him, a tad nervously. I shut the door behind me and before he could say anything handed him the fortune. He started to laugh and told me that I had been promoted. So, I am now a Solutions Analyst. Woo Hoo!

For those that have sent cards – Chanukah, Seasons Greetings, Christmass, Hanumass, etc. Thank you. Many years ago I came th\o the realization that I am horrible about sending cards, so I gave up even the pretense. Please forgive me for not sending you one.

If you recall, last year I decided not to do Twelfth Night gifts in favor of making a donation to charity. I have decided to do the same this year – and to expand it to include Chanukah/Christmass/Hanumass gifts.

After some contemplation and a discussion with Benefse, I have settled on www.treatanysoldier.com.

Looking at the Rambam’s (Rabbi Moses ben Maimon) ladder, its about midway up, but I feel a great debt to the soldiers of our country. I may not agree with what we are doing in Iraq and I may feel that we have done a half-assed job in Afghanistan, but I know that these men and women are what keep me safe and able to criticize the policies of the government.

As Crosby, Still, Nash & Young said “We find the cost of freedom buried in the ground.”

For those thinking about getting me something, please consider taking a similar action. We (those in my circle of friends) are fortunate to be able to provide for ourselves, so we should take an action to help
those who are less fortunate.

For those that dont know, my company closes every year from Christmass Eve through New Years Day. Its a fantastic benefit – essentially adding up to another week of vacation each year. This year, I am going to go up to New York and putter around. I am going to see / stay with friends from high school and college. No real plan or itinerary. Just rented a car with unlimited mileage (which costs more then the airline tickets) and figure I’ll just see how it goes.

I know I want to drive by the house I grew up in.

I also want to visit Mohonk where I worked when I was in college, see if anyone I know is stilkl at NPRS, and go to the cemetaries to see my grandparents, aunt and uncle.

Its been over ten years since I have been back there so I am a mixture of excited and nervous.

Last night, Dug calls me and says he is having car problems. Seems he was in some mud, dropped into 4 Wheel Low and well cant get out now. Thank goodness for 10 year 100K mile warranties. Isuzu sent a flat bed at their expense. This puts Dug in a no-car situation so he and I have worked a few things out. Like today, I went with him to see ‘A Christmass Story’ at a church in Raleigh. The chorus was quite good, the harpis phenominal, the tympany awesome (I love tympany), and the conducter looked cute in tails (his words, not mine).

[OK, I'll admit - I did have a bad moment or two. Like when they sang about how wonderful it is to go to Bethlehem, I thought that I've been to Bethlehem and well, its a dump. Sorry to burst anyone's bubbe, but after years of war, poverty, intifada, etc, it is not a nice place either both terms of looks and safety.]

Afterwards, I dropped him off at his study group. This is finals week for him. He is going to get a lift home tonight. Tomorrow, he has the day off so will take me to work and use my vehicle to accomplish what he had planned. Tuesday I need to go to Raleigh for work, so he will be relegated to using the Bus to get to work and class. After that we will see. I told him to talk to Isuzu on Monday and see about a loaner vehicle.

When I was in California, I did a day trp that included the Sonoma valley. I discovered a new type of wine that I like – mouvedre. I mention this as they are talking about it on NPR right now.